I recently read Lisa Kraulik’s book Emotional Abuse: Recognizing an Abusive Partner’s Bag of Tricks for review. Seeing as how this book arrived to me just prior to my Domestic Violence Awareness Campaign on this Blog it was perfect timing to bring you this book. Lisa is a former victim of Emotional Abuse that ultimately ended her marriage. Emotional Abuse, in my opinion is the most damaging. Physical & financial scars hear, but it is the emotional scars that take its toll on us even long after leaving an abusive relationship as I have discussed in previous posts this month. This book talks about the self-blame that comes to victims from being in an emotionally abusive relationship. The last part of the book is about leaving her abuser.
There are a few sentences that stood out in this book for me as a domestic violence survivor myself. The first is “I fed his ego and helped him maintain an image. That is what he loved.” An abuser will sometimes be the nicest person to everyone on the outside and you go along with that because the friction of not doing so isn’t worth the fight. In this book Lisa makes a point to teach the difference between a good person and a nice person. She tells her story of living with a man who “used the silent treatment as a method of control” and how the victim can become so “emotionally exhausted that I just said what he wanted to hear in order for it to end”. I agree this is about the worst treatment you can give or get! Childish, nonetheless. The other sentence that stands out to me in Part One of the book is “You’re never sure of what is true because he determines your reality”. I recognize my years with my abuser as a giant life in a bubble. Like I was living in fog the entire time. She is correct to share how emotional abusers are awesome at rewriting history & manipulating your emotions in order to suit their own needs. So many times, I found myself very battered because I dare correct him or fail to recall something he supposedly said.
Part 2 of the book stood out most when Lisa spoke about always living in a constant state of anxiety-always on guard-never knowing what kind of mood to expect. If you have never suffered abuse, just sit back and imagine that! Imagine it getting closer to your husband/wife/significant other to be getting home from work. You race to make sure the house is perfect in case they are in one of those moods, race to make sure dinner is done and to their liking in case they are in that mood and cringe when the car pulls in the driveway. Many times, peeking through blinds just to try and get a sense of what was walking through the door by their expression and body language. I lived that day everyday. Lisa did not experience the Physical abuse like I did. She didn’t try to read him in a way of -should I make sure a window is open in case I have to scream so neighbors will hear or make sure hands are empty in case you have to cover your head and do a quick glance for sharp objects and make sure they are out of sight because they are the first things he would grab to hurt me with. That was my life and given all the scars-I suffer today from the emotional abuse. Having to find myself even years later after leaving is much harder than I imagined, but I know I am not alone.
Emotional Abuse: Recognizing an Abusive Partner’s Bag of Tricks is meant not only for victims of Domestic Violence but also for those who may love someone (or are the someone) that has a hard time with emotional control. We all get upset, some of us play little games to get our way or win an argument, but do you know how damaging those games are? There are no winner’s in emotional games.
To download or own a copy of Lisa’s book, visit this Amazon Link.
Disclosure:I received one or more of the products mentioned above for free using Tomoson.com. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers.