I recently saw an opportunity to review Austin James’ Book: Emotional Abuse: Silent Killer of Marriage and after pondering on whether or not I could emotionally get myself to read a book that would make me dig deep into my own past, I felt that maybe it is some much needed self-help and if I can read his words and help him spread some valuable information that could help others than it was what I am to do to make the best of my past as well. This is lengthy, but I hope you learn something here and learn even more inside Austin’s story!
Austin James was an emotional abuser himself. He slowly and mindlessly destroyed his own marriage with his words, actions and anger that is far too familiar with me. The difference between the Author & myself is he was the abuser, I was a victim. He deals with emotional abuse where I had all levels of abuse given to me for 6 years of an awful relationship that I ended myself almost 10 years ago.
Please keep reading, you will see just how much more enlightened you may become as a Spouse, Parent and Friend!
I am so grateful for having this book fall into my pile of reviews at this moment. I really learned the importance of setting my pride aside and allowing me to finally come to a decision that I cannot get through my past without some professional help. Not just as a victim, but as a wife and a mother. I learned how important it is to give my boys the right attention they need to function as good husbands one day and I learned that all the mind blocking I still continue to do in defense is piling up brick by brick and there is a strong wall forming that will interfere with my current marriage. If you were to ask my husband, he would say it is starting to already as I have frequent moments of “hiding” and just shutting down verbally and passionately. Man! That is hard to admit!
Austin teaches that there are many forms of abuse: all 20 of them! I read the types of abuse and my light bulb went on finally. After 10 years of doing exactly what he teaches not to do: Avoid Conversations. After 10 years of keeping the wall up I built during my abuse and never allowing myself to knock it down and start over correctly, I dropped my jaw to see-in writing- that for 6 years and on a daily basis I was a victim of 15 of the 20 types of abuse by one man! 15! Physical, Power, Male Privilege, Sexual, Humiliation, Responsibility Abuse, Medical Abuse, Isolation, Emotional, Verbal, Threats, Financial, Intimidation, Property, and Silence abuse! There they are and I walked away fearing I would not make it out alive. I had spent months coming to peace with death as I was always threatened that would happen if I Dare leave. Death to me was so much better than living another day as a victim.
I avoided (or just didn’t realize) all the warning signs. Not all abusers are as aggressive as the man I dated. But of all that abuse-the emotional abuse is what still lingers with me today. An emotional abuser “systematically wears away at the Victim’s self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in their own perceptions and self-concept….it is an act of belittling, ignoring, corrupting and acting cruel, isolating, rejecting or scaring another person in an attempt to exert power or control over them” A victim can be a wife, Girlfriend, child, mother, father and YES! even husbands and boyfriends. To belittle someone, to talk down or embarrass your loved one in front of others; to constantly criticize and ignore your loved one is the most harmful abuse in my opinion.
My physical scars have healed, but the emotional ones are still present. Just as Austin changed and tried to reconcile with his wife, I completely understand why she had no trust in his change and I know that ‘Emotional Wall’ she had up and Austin was NOT to be the one to knock it back down! What I hold most from this book is I still have my wall, my self defense and I do bring that to my current marriage. Talk about silence and ignoring a loved one as a sign of abuse-my Lord! By refusing help, I am doing just that to my own husband. I see that now and because of my past I also learned that awareness is crucial. Not awareness from the abuser, but also from the victim and from friends. An abuser will tend to be every one’s best friend on the outside, but be destroying their spouse o the inside. Do not judge! NEVER, EVER judge. I walk around today with my eyes wide open to everyone around me. I can let my past make me a bitter person or I can learn and use my insight to help others. This book is a start! Everyone should read this book. If you are a spouse, parent or friend-you will be enlightened by Austin’s story. You will learn that abusers can change if they want to, if they hit that rock bottom moment! Abuse inevitably comes from past childhood experiences and help is very possible! It is human nature to shut down, to avoid confrontation in fear of engaging abusive behavior, to make irrational choices when you live in a fog of abuse. The humiliation, the embarrassment and belittling weighs on you in ways that is too heavy to lift on your own. I know that now and I will never forget this book and all it taught me as a victim, mother and friend!
Austin Jame’s Book
Emotional Abuse: Silent Killer of Marriage
is available for under $5 on Kindle Apps and under $7 on paperback! To read his story, order now!
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